DW: The Lost Saga
by ZiyaVF
Summary: The Doctor learns how to save lives in a whole new way, in the process gaining a companion that will challenge all of his beliefs. But she is exactly what he needs- a therapist.
1. Chapter 1: The Doctor and Suicide

**I don't usually write things, so forgive me if it's not up to expectations. I especially had a hard time trying to write how the Doctor spoke. Also if you think he spirals into his 'breakdown' a little too fast I'd love to hear some suggestions to fix it. In fact, if you have any suggestions at all, I would love to hear them. Please tell me what you think of it ^.^**

**Also the song "Feathery Wings" by Voltaire goes perfectly with this chapter.**

**Doctor Who is (c) BBC but the plot of this story and 'the girl' are mine. And don't worry, she gets a name in the next chapter.**

Chapter 1: The Doctor & Suicide

The Doctor's mind kept dwelling to the past as he walked the winding, leaf scattered road back to the TARDIS. He thought of all the companions that had left him. All his friends that he had lost. His mind wandered to Jackson, one of the few people he felt had actually started to understand him, and the confession he had made. 'Tell me one thing.' Jackson asked, 'All those facts and figures I saw of the Doctor's life, you were never alone. All those bright and shining companions. But not any more?'

'No' The Doctor had replied nervously. He was afraid of saying what was on his mind, but knew it eventually had to come out.

Jackson had continued, 'Might I ask why not?'

The Doctor began with a vague answer, something he was much accustom to doing, 'They leave. Because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them... forget me.' And then as he felt the pain of everything that had come to pass he realized it needed to come out. He had to show him the burden of loneliness that he carried in his hearts. 'I suppose in the end, they break my heart.'

He reached the bridge near where he had parked just as his mind came back to reality. That was when he first noticed her.

She was young, around 18 years, with black hair cut short. He watched her, realizing that she didn't seem to notice him there. With more observation he recognized that something was off. The distant expression in her face and the ending in her eyes lead him to an awful conclusion about why she was there on that bridge as the sun began to set and the world began to grow cold...

She leaned over the edge, reassuring his assumption, and his hearts rushed with sympathy. Only he should ever have to feel that way. No one had made the mistakes that he had had to. Especially not this young human girl.

The water churned, hiding its menacing depths. The edges of the river were frozen. She knew the cold just might kill her before she drowned and she shivered at the calm breeze. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she took a step forward as a warm tear dripped down her cheek.

"So, you are going to jump then?" The Doctor called. She jerked towards him, startled and embarrassed that he had been standing there. But that wasn't going to stop her.

"A-and?" She protested, raising her chin in defiance. "Don't try and stop me." The Doctor raised an eyebrow in surprise. She was American.

"Where are you from?" He questioned. Why was an American girl so far from home? She seemed too young to be able to just pick up and move. Then again, there were many possibilities.

"That's a bad topic if you want me to change my mind." She muttered, "That would really just make me jump faster."

He stepped next to her and glanced over the edge. "Whoever said that was what i was trying to do? Besides, I know how you feel. About home, I mean."

She scoffed," Really? And what did your family do to you?"

He broke eye contact and stared at the water again. "It's not what they did to me, but what i did to them."

They stood next to each other, watching the river in silence. The Doctor was curious about what had driven her to this, but was afraid that asking such a personal question would upset her and lead to an early death. Luckily, she broke the silence first. "At least you have happy memories of them." She muttered. He stared at her, surprised at her courage to say such a thing. Captain Jack had told him the same thing once or twice, trying to cheer him up. But it had never affected him as it did in this moment. Maybe it was just this girl. Or the swirling imminent death below them.

"Well, that makes it all the worse when I think about what I've done to them..." He responded with the same thing he always told Jack, only he felt less confident as he repeated it.

She returned with a sudden anger, tears growing in the corners in her eyes. "No, that just means you know that they loved you. You will never ever know what it's like to be surrounded by people who don't care." Her voice was a deadly whisper. It conveyed her anger far more than shouting ever could. She turned from him and added, "...Who wouldn't even protect you."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. She was right. Here he was, being selfish and wallowing in his own situation, which he pathetically assumed could be no worse. He had never stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, this girl had it worse than him. "You're right. I'm sorry." He said barely above a whisper.

She gazed at him, clearly not expecting his remorse and apology. She studied his face for a long time before finally saying, "Are you trying to stop me from killing myself?" Her voice was so calm and steady that he was taken by surprise again. It was because she was so calm that he knew that there was no lie in her standing on this bridge. If this conversation turned for the worse, she would surely jump.

The Doctor leaned over the railing, deciding the right way to answer her question, "I'm not sure." He snapped his attention back to her, surprised at himself, "I-I mean... I'm trying. I'm trying to save your life. But if you still decide to, there's nothing i can do about it." He felt the familiar feeling of hopelessness wash over him. "If you do, i might just jump with you. Or try to at least. I can't seem to help anyone these days..."

"Try to?" She watched him with a new expression in her eyes, suddenly not feeling so alone. They had some similarities, including the want to help, but never being able to. The Doctor decided lying wasn't worth it. The best shot to save her would be to tell her the truth.

"I've tried to kill myself before." He turned away bitterly, "But I'm a coward. And I couldn't do it . Well, I suppose i got close- pulled the trigger and all. But right as i was about to die I regen-" He stopped his gush of words, realizing that telling her the whole truth was probably a bad idea. If he told her he was from another planet she'd think he was crazy and not listen to him anymore. No, that was certainly the wrong thing to do. Luckily, she only waited patiently for him to continue. But he had never done anything like this before and was quite sure that in the depressed state he was in, he couldn't help her. But he still had to try.

After a moments pause, he decided to change the subject. "What do you think happens?" He asked, "When you die, I mean?"

She stared into the sky, thinking for a time. Just as the Doctor was almost sure she wasn't going to answer, she spoke, "Well... I like to think of myself as a logical person. But I haven't died yet, or at least have no memory of dying. So I can't say I know what happens." She paused, thinking of the best way to put her answer. "My guess is that it is a lot like how it was before you were born. If you look at it like a circular spectrum. Although of course if anything does happen before you are born, we have no memory of it, so that doesn't exactly help. But i don't believe in the usual 'heaven and hell' thing, though of course it is a possibility. I just think eternal peace is boring and not very realistic. Besides, there are too many inconsistencies-"

"What's your name?" The Doctor interrupted abruptly. Her rant caught him off guard- it had reminded him so much of himself. The girl was brilliant.

She was quiet for a while, feeling bad for having babbled on like that when he clearly wanted a short answer. Then she muttered, "Does it matter?"

"No I suppose it doesn't." He agreed. He felt like a hypocrite. " I just wanted to know your name... in case you did jump." It would be another name to add to his list of people he couldn't save. There were already plenty of nameless people on there, so not knowing her name was fine.

She stared at him, touched that this complete stranger would want to remember her if she died. "I'll tell you my name if you tell me yours first." She decided.

Bugger. "Doctor." He tried.

Unfortunately she dug deeper, "Doctor what?"

"Doctor Smith. John Smith."

She tilted her head, squinting. " You're lying."

Double Bugger. He felt his throat go dry as he struggled to think of a way to answer her. "What's the point of lying about your name?" She teased. He didn't answer. "Never mind. I'm sure there's a reason." She muttered when he didn't say anything.

There was another pause in there conversation, depression hanging thickly in the air. Suddenly, the girl began to laugh softly. When the Doctor gave her a puzzled expression, she answered with, "Here i was trying to see if this was all fake and you're just a really good liar- turns out you're terrible at lying." His lips gave way to a small smile. But not because he found what she said amusing. The Doctor liked seeing her happy. He enjoyed hearing her laugh.

He watched the river quietly, imagining her body in the depths below. His hearts ached. What would he do if she jumped? If he still couldn't save her? He was already starting become attached to her. He didn't know if he could take another heartbreak. The Doctor sighed.

"Can I ask you something?" She muttered suddenly.

He nodded hoping that it would be something he could actually answer.

"...What did you do to your family?"

He didn't look at her. He could feel her eyes on him. A dozen ways to tell her came to his mind, but as they reached his mouth he choked on them. He was too upset to admit what he'd done. He simply shook his head.

"Okay." She whispered sincerely, "I understand." Shivering, she hugged herself as the sun continued to fall lower in the sky. "Can I ask you something else? It's less personal, I promise."

He nodded. "I can't promise I'll answer."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I-I'm just a traveler." He stuttered, hating that he couldn't answer any of her questions properly. He glanced at her, and one look told him that she was going to inquire further. So he said something before she could. "What about you?"

"I'm a therapist." He spun his body toward her in shock. "Ironic, huh?" A smile twisted on her lips.

His hearts ached again. He really didn't want her to die.

"Aren't you too young to be a therapist? I mean, you need some sort of schooling, right?" He reacted. She laughed.

"I know I look young, but I'm actually 25."

"You are?"

"Yep."

The conversation turned to silence again as the shock of learning her age slowly ebbed away. He watched the autumn scenery, letting his mind drift. She did the same. He thought of different places he could take her that might change her mind, where as her mind began to drift to darker things. When the silence finally became awkward, he turned his focus back to her. She was silently crying. He grabbed her shoulders and began wiping her tears away with his sleeves. "Shh, shh, shh, don't do that. Please stop crying." He coaxed her.

"Why should I?" She muttered, half-heartedly pulling her face away from his care. "Why do you even care?"

"I'm so tired of everyone crying." He gently pulled her face back to him, continuing to wipe the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "I'm tired of all the death." He saw his blurred reflection in her dark, watery eyes. "I'm tired of all the pain. I'm tired of running for my life- I'm tired of being so afraid! I can't take it!" He found his composure slipping, all of his pent up emotions leaking through. He began to shake, unable to handle another person's depression. No, no, this poor girl did not deserve to feel suicidal. "I'm tired of this place! I'm done with the whole universe!"

He was yelling quite loudly now, but she didn't back away. She actually stepped closer, allowing him to clutch her in an embrace. Tears began spilling out of his eyes, his emotions gushing forth. "No matter what I do, I can never make up for what I've done! No matter how many people I save I still have to live with the fact I killed them all- my whole species! All I want to do is go home and that's the one thing I can never do! No matter what I do- how many people I save- I always end up alone! And I can't take it! But I can't end it! And I just don't want to be alone anymore!"

His body shook as he sobbed and he curled himself around her. "Don't leave me here! You can end it all, but I can't! I have to make up for what I've done! I'm in debt to the universe and I have to make it right! Please don't leave me! I hate it here! I just want to go home!" He collapsed in tears and she held on to him tightly. He held her in this moment of weakness as if she was the only anchor to this world. She felt him shaking all over and simply tried to hold him together, like the many times she had ached for someone to do the same for her.

"I don't know what happened to you," The Doctor whispered softly, still crying, "I swear if I were there I would've protected you. But there's too many people who need my help. I wish I could always be there. But I can't. And that will always be my curse."

The honesty of his words caused her to sob. That was all she ever wanted to hear. That someone would've helped her if they had had the ability. She leaned on his shoulder and cried.

"Shh." His voice was hoarse. "Don't cry." He stroked her hair, startled by her reaction to his sudden out burst. He felt her hand rub his back and found it surprising. Usually when he became emotional it drove people away. They would just sort of watch him, awkwardly not knowing what to do. But this stranger, who was obviously overwhelmed with her own problems, was trying to comfort him.

"What do I do now?" She asked awkward. "I-I... " She fell silent, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to die anymore, but had no idea how to keep on living.

"Live. Just live your life." He whispered softly, moving to wipe his face clean.

"I'm not sure I can."

"Of course you can." He reassured. He pulled himself away, still holding onto her shoulders. "We'll do it together. Let me walk you home."

She nodded, and he pulled her in and hugged her again, glad that she was safe. And he didn't even know her name.


	2. Chapter 2: Names

**Yay! Second chapter! And if you haven't heard yet, I'm making this story into a manga which I'll be posting to my deviantart .com. The first comic should be up around the end of the month or the beginning of next and will include the whole first chapter. I'll continue to post the written story here!**

**Doctor Who (c) BBC but the story is mine :3**

**Chapter 2: Names**

He awoke vaguely aware that he was in an unfamiliar place, but enjoying the soft blankets none the less. Drifting in and out of a comfortable sleep, the Doctor didn't get up until the smell of food hit his nose. Finally opening his eyes, he arose and looked around. It was more unfamiliar than he expected. He was in someone's living room sleeping on their couch. Why wasn't he on the TARDIS? He rubbed away the exhaustion from his eyes and proceeded to listen to his rumbling stomach, which told him to head towards the smell of food.

When he saw her, he quickly remembered everything. Her attempted suicide, his sudden outburst, and then walking her back to her flat... here. She had insisted on him sleeping on the couch for the night, and he had been so drained that he hadn't really objected. The Doctor hadn't even questioned why she wanted him to stay, but now he found the thought prominent in his mind. He analyzed their exchange the night before, remembering how he had told her about not being able to go home. She thinks I'm homeless, He realized. Even though it was technically true, it was quite embarrassing.

"Oh!" She jumped when she spotted him leaning casually against the kitchen doorway. "I thought you were asleep- you could've told me you were there!" She put her hand on her hip and pouted angrily.

"Sorry." There was something about the way that she looked when she made that face that made him smile.

"I made breakfast if you're hungry." She put a heaping pile of pancakes on the table, and turned to begin setting up other essentials.

"You didn't have to do that." The doctor grinned at her appreciatively, taking his seat. She smiled back and took the seat across from him. Grabbing a massive stack of pancakes, he drizzled them with syrup and began to devour them. "Oh, these are brilliant!" He said with half his mouth full.

She didn't seem to hear him. She was staring silently at the table, brows pulled slightly together.

"Are you alright?"

She snapped her head up. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking, sorry. I, um, kinda space off sometimes." Her cheeks flushed with red.

"Don't say sorry. Think away." He spun his syrup stained fork for emphasis.

She looked down at her food and bit her lip. "I-It's just, I was wondering..." He watched her expectantly. "I was wondering what do you mean you can't go home? And you said something about 'killing your species'? What does that mean?"

The Doctor inhaled sharply, not having expected her to remember all that. He had no idea how to answer her.

When he didn't say anything , she regretted asking. "N-Never mind. It's too personal, I understand. I, um... just wanted you to know that if you have no place to go, you can stay here... with me. Until you get back on your feet." The blush spread across her face like a wild fire.

She was so kind. His hearts fluttered with admiration. "Aren't you afraid I might be a thief? Or worse?"

"Well, if you are then you wouldn't be trying to caution me, would you?" She smirked. "No, whatever is keeping you from home- it isn't that." She looked confident in her words and she began to eat as if that was the end of it. The Doctor admired her brilliance. It just made him care for her all the more. He felt a little like an open book around her. But that might not be such a bad thing...

"You don't have to worry about me," He tried to assure her. "I have a place to live."

"But... Not really a home?"

He pondered that for minute then concluded, "Yeah, I suppose it's not."

"What's your address, maybe I could visit you sometime?"

He looked down at his hands nervously. "Ah, I don't exactly... have an address."

Frowning, she continued to question, "So you live in your car?"

The Doctor grinned. "No, it's a bit roomier than that."

"So... an RV?"

Blimey, this girl was deductive. "Ah, yeah, an RV." She scrutinized his face for signs of lying, but if she found any, she didn't say anything. The Doctor was relieved. He was terrified of what she would think if she knew what he was. But he wasn't exactly sure why.

After all, it would be nice to have her on the TARDIS. She was brilliant. And she was good company. He could show her so many things... and maybe she could teach him a thing or two.

But the more he thought of her accompanying him, the more he realized he couldn't let that happen. For once, he had to protect himself. All of the companions he had lost were still an open wound, and he couldn't add another loss on top of that. And it always ended in loss.

It didn't help that he cared too much already. Yesterday he had barely met her and he had talked about killing himself because he didn't want to see her die. What if she did die? Or even got hurt?

No, it was best to keep his distance this time. He didn't want another Rose incident.

"This was a lovely breakfast, but I really must be going." She watched him rise to his feet. Her eyes were stressed with worry. "I'll visit, I promise." He assured her. And maybe he would. Just to make sure she was ok.

She grabbed his arm before he could leave the kitchen. "Let me come with you."

He felt a lump form in his throat. "Ah, can't, got important things to do."

"Really? Like what?"

Oh, she was not making this easy on him. "Just... stuff."

"You're lying and I'm definitely coming with you." Her lips pursed sternly.

"You can't. You just can't." His eyes were pleading with her to drop the subject. It was very tempting, but he refused to put her in any danger.

"Well, too bad." She was almost as stubborn as Donna.

An idea struck him. Earth nowadays was all about communication. And Martha had given him that phone...

He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. "Here, I'll give you my phone number so you can call me anytime you'd like."

She took his number, but her expression didn't relax. "Fine. But here... just in case you need me." With that, she split the paper in half and wrote her own number on it. The Doctor took it and stared at it with a furrowed brow. This was certainly a strange way to get a girls number.

"Alright, I guess I'm off then." He smiled at her and began again to walk away.

"I'm still coming with you."

The Doctor grimaced. These were the times when he wished he could just wave his psychic paper in front of people's faces and say, See? It says right there you can trust me! He spun around to face her. "What do I need to do to keep you here?"

She looked right into his eyes and replied, "Promise me you'll call me if you're in trouble."

Her words took his breath away and made his hearts skip a beat. He couldn't remember the last time someone tried to take care of him, even if he rejected them. So he assured her he would. And he meant it.

His phone rang in his pocket before he could cross the parking lot. The Doctor answered curiously.

"Hello?"

"Just making sure you didn't give me a fake number."

"Well, I didn't. Happy?"

"Yep." She chuckled and then proceeded to hang up.

The Doctor remembered how Martha had shown him how to save numbers on it and tried to save hers. But that only ended with him staring at the contact info.

He still had no idea what her name was...

Indecisively, he looked back at her flat, then down to his phone. Was it really so important that he knew her name? After all, she would probably never know his. But he was so curious it nearly burned.

Yes, he finally decided. It was important to know her name.

She picked up the phone after the first ring. "In trouble already?" She teased.

"No, ah, sorry. I went to go and save your number in my phone and, well... I still have no idea what your name is."

"That makes two of us."

He scratched the back of his neck, and looked up to her window. "Everyone calls me the Doctor."

"Huh. Cryptic." She pulled back the curtains and caught eyes with him in the parking lot. "I'm guessing that's not your real name." She smiled at him.

"Well, no..."

"Then I'm not giving you my real name either. Not until you give me yours."

"Then what in the universe am I supposed to call you?" The Doctor exclaimed.

"Call me Augury."

"Augury?" What a strange name. "Is that you real name?"

"Nope."

And with that, she hung up.


End file.
